Gods of Egypt Review

Director: Alex Proyas

Starring: Brenton Thwaites, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Gerard Butler, Courtney Eaton, Elodie Yung, Geoffrey Rush.

Please note this review contains minor spoilers, but no more than is seen in the trailer.

The Overview

Mortal hero Bek (Thwaites) teams with the god Horus (Coster-Waldau) in an alliance against Set (Butler), the merciless god of darkness, who has usurped Egypt’s throne, plunging the once peaceful and prosperous empire into chaos and conflict. (Source: IMDb)

The Good The Bad

You can probably guess where this review is going if you’ve seen any other reviews for this film, which is released in UK cinemas today, a full 4 months after it’s US release.

I will always endeavour to find the good and bad in any film, but the struggle was very real when it came to trying to find some good points about Gods of Egypt! The best thing I can say about this film is it is absolutely hilarious; so laughably bad in every single possible aspect that it is absolutely impossible not to be amused by it. From the hammy acting to the “even worse than TV” CGI, there is nothing that is not hilarious about this film.

If you’re hoping for a “so bad it is good” film then you might be disappointed, because nothing about this film can be described as good. This film is so bad that I should probably have changed the headings from “The Good” and “The Bad”, to “The Bad” and “The Worse”. In fact, maybe I’ll do just that.

The Worse

I don’t even know where to begin in unpacking just how bad this film is, but I’m going to do my best!

“Try to keep up”, says an 8ft tall Nikolaj Coster-Waldau to a normal sized human; this is also pretty good advice to the audience as we try to wrap our heads around the complete nonsense that is the plot of Gods of Egypt!

If you’ve been waiting to see a giant, flaming Geoffrey Rush fighting a cloud, or Gerard Butler fly through the air on a golden chariot pulled by scarab beetles, then you’re in luck. Personally I could’ve gone my whole life without seeing this, but alas I have, and there are quite simply no words to describe how utterly bonkers this film is.

Every single aspect of this film is terrible. The plot is absolute nonsense, the acting is terrible, the soundtrack is cheesy and over the top, the cinematography and special effects look cheap and when there is this much CGI, the cracks are even more noticeable.

Nikolaj Coster-Waldau preening and posturing doesn’t seem to fit the supposedly heroic character he is playing, and where everyone else in the film speaks the Queen’s English, Gerard Butler is still inexplicably and unapologetically Scottish, shouting and grumbling his way through every line his entirely one-dimensional villain speaks. What little credibility Butler had left is entirely gone.

It baffles me that a film this terrible ever got off the ground, and that a cast this good on paper would ever commit to having their name alongside such an atrocious excuse for a film.

The Verdict

I saw this movie so you don’t have to. My opinion should never be taken as gospel obviously, but for the sake of all that is good in this world, do not waste your money on seeing this utter turd of a film! It is laughably, brazenly awful, and whilst not offensively bad like Grimsby or Dirty Grandpa, it is just straight up bad, poorly made and poorly executed to the highest degree. Definitely give this one a miss!

Agree with everything I’ve said, or am I a terribly misguided idiot who has got it all wrong? Please let me know in the comments, and don’t forget to share as well.

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6 comments

  1. Funny: After watching, I tweeted:

    “#GodsOfEgypt = painfully terrible movie. Terrible acting, terrible script, terrible storyline, terrible casting, terrible spec. effects….”

    I was curious to know what others thought of it so I scrolled through Twitter (how I found your review, btw) and the clear consensus is that Gods Of Egypt was god awful.

    It’s one thing when the acting or special effects is shoddy, but when the dialogue & overall script is sooo overwhelmingly terrible, you really have to wonder: WHO in their right mind funded this hot mess of a film; WHO in their right mind wrote such an intellectually draining (even for a child) and terribly inconsistent script (even for fantasy genre…eg. the gods are supposedly infallible immortals —you know, *GODS!*—yet the god of gods in the beginning of film gets stabbed…and dies [insert crying laugh emogi here, afterwards, please ask script writer to articulate the difference btwn “mortals” and “gods”].

    WHO in their right mind read that script and actually approved it? WHO in their right mind thought it ok to release what is, at best, a cinematic laxative, and thought it ok for paying movie-goers (whether we pay with currency and/or our precious time). WHO in their right mind agreed to be an extra, let alone accept a leading role (seriously, are Gerard Butler & Jaime Lannister THAT desperate for cash???)?

    And finally, WHO in their right minds were in charge of CGI & special effects??? WTF WAS THAT???

    Everyone associated with this film should be put on a year-long time-out, afterwhich, they must issue a public apology and assure us to never—EVER—make such a terrible “film” again.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha thanks so much for reading my review! Also I agree with EVERYTHING you’ve said!! There is nothing good about this film whatsoever, I have no idea how these credible actors signed up to do it, or how the movie ever actually came to be. Madness!

      Like

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