Written by Jabari
I suffer from anxiety. Anxiety may seem less threatening compared to other things out there but let me tell you that it’s far from the truth. It opens up a huge can of worms, welcoming other symptoms and problems. I have high blood pressure that runs in the family and there I was at the ripe age of 23, stricken with the condition. All because of what you might ask?
Anxiety is no joke. It at times drives me up the wall paranoid, and brought out a bad temper I have. However, movies curb those feelings for me. Watching certain films, that I’ve previously watched, brings a level of clarity, and for a moment, I am able to forget about my problems. Martial Arts and Westerns are two genres I enjoying watching. Also crime films, sometimes comedy, and sci-fi. Horror…. now that’s the good stuff.
My favorite directors range from Tarantino, Guy Ritchie, Coens, Spielberg, Luc Besson, Kubrick, Ridley Scott to name a few. I recall watching Donnie Darko RELIGIOUSLY throughout my high school days. Movies have inspired me to be a director / and part time critic. Due to my stress disorder, which I compare to Justin Timberlake’s character in Black Snake Moan (a movie I love by the way), it has crept into my passion as a director as of recent years.
I couldn’t make a film due to people bull-sh**ing me. I couldn’t write reviews because movies I love are a part of this popular hate-raving-bandwagon (for example, Batman vs Superman, Ghost In the Shell, Chappie) and it’s f***ing annoying. I at times wanted to quit making reviews. I wanted to quit making my film, but as Collette Wolf’s character said in Young Adult, “F**k those people”.
My problem is that even though I don’t care about what people think of me like DMX from Belly, I suffer from the anxiety of my character, or circumstance being challenged. I enjoy characters with a strong mind that are willing to push those limits. The “F**k what you think, I’m an outlaw” attitude. A different breed and I am getting comfortable in my skin. Most people don’t have that luxury. It shows through my taste in film. Most are flashy, they stick out, and they try to be different.
This is probably why I feel like quitting the reviewing thing at times because I feel that they are like me you know? Not trying to sound crazy even though this article is on mental health. Am I crazy? I just thought about that crazy movie with Jake Gyllenhaal, Enemy, where he finds his twin or some sh*t. That sh*t was good. Also he was a bit mental. I digress. I’m adapting more, overcoming stress, a heavy drinking problem, I came a long way if I say so myself. I usually mask my troubles with a joke but I guess that’s what makes me a strong individual, because I don’t wear my emotions like a little b*tch. Sorry I’m a bit mean spirited. Not sorry. While writing this, I have realized I will not stop reviewing and as in the words of Will Ferrell in Old School, I will “keep on trucking”.